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Are Beast Crackers Paleo?

Warning -- Satire -- Apr Fool's Post

Every kid loves brute crackers, those sugariness as well as crunchy animal-shaped biscuits.  But are they compatible amongst a Paleo diet?  Some people powerfulness mean value they already know the answer, exactly visit this: our ancestors evolved on the African savanna, eating the plants as well as animals institute there.  Inside each box of brute crackers is an assortment of tiny savanna creatures such equally giraffes as well as elephants.

To piece of occupation to the bottom of this, I interviewed Robert Pearson, CEO of Animal Cracker Products Inc., who explained to me how these crackers are made.

What's the history of brute crackers?
In 19th century Britain, a clever entrepreneur had the thought to brand animal-shaped sugariness biscuit snacks.  These became therefore pop that they were eventually exported to the US.  Manufacturers eventually began producing them domestically.  Today, Animal Cracker Products Inc. shares the U.S. marketplace position amongst Nabisco, Keebler, as well as Stauffer, exactly our cracker is the exclusively 1 that's withal made from 100 per centum animals-- the other products are upward to xxx per centum filler.
 Can y'all explicate how brute crackers are made?
The details are proprietary, exactly here's the full general process.  First, nosotros accept babe animals as well as set them inwards a particular patented press.  We apply high pressure level for 17 hours, until they're apartment as well as reduced inwards size.  We as well as therefore dry out them inwards the California Sun for 1 week, which produces the feature texture as well as beige color. 
How hit y'all select which animals to include?
Our main marketplace position is children.  Focus groups cause got shown that children prefer crackers made from giraffes, elephants, as well as tigers to warthogs, opossums, as well as sloths. 

We equally good select animals that let us to create a production at a reasonable cost point.  People dearest African savanna animals exactly they're expensive, therefore nosotros mix them amongst less expensive animals similar horses, bears, as well as sheep.  If there's plenty involvement inwards the Paleo community, nosotros would visit making an all-African cracker mix, exactly the cost would live on 50-70 per centum higher. 
Thanks for your fourth dimension Robert!

Tiny animals?  What could live on to a greater extent than Paleo than that??

Apr fools!

Photo credit: S. Diddy (Flickr CC).


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